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大华雅思
大华雅思
SAT范文分析

最近看到不少学生的SAT作文,发现了一些问题。主要是作文中的举例部分不是很到位,空洞的论述较多;语言表达不简洁。下面是我读到的好的范文,让我们共同分析、学习一下! 
 
题目:
“There’s no success like failure.”
What is your view on the idea that success can begin with failure? In an essay, support your position using an example (or examples) from literature, the arts, history, current events, politics, science and technology, or from your personal experience or observation.
 
拿到作文题目应该:
First thing first, we should consider carefully the quotation, then plan and write an essay that explains our ideas as persuasively as possible. Keep in mind the support we provide—both reasons and examples; and try our utmost to convince the reader, particularly the scorer.
 
范文:
Learning the lessons taught by failure is a sure route to success. (全文中心论点) The United States of American can be seen as a success that emerged from failure: By learning from the weaknesses of the Articles of Confederation, the founding fathers were able to create the Constitution, the document on which America is built. (事例1) Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is another example of a success that arose from learning from failure, though in this case Google learned from the failures of its competitors. (事例2) Another example that shows how success can arise from failure is the story of Rod Johnson, who started a recruiting firm that arose from Johnson’s personal experience of being laid off.(事例3)
 
The United States, the first great democracy of the modern world, is also one of the best examples of a success achieved by studying and learning from earlier failures.(事例1的主题句)After just five years of living under the Articles of Confederation, which established the United States of America as a single country for the first time, the states realized that they needed a new document and a new more powerful government. In 1786, the Annapolis convention was convened. The result, three years later, was the Constitution, which created a more powerful central government while also maintaining the integrity of the states. By learning from the failure of the Articles, the founding fathers created the founding document of a country that has become both the most powerful country in the world and a beacon of democracy. (论据-四句话)
 
Unlike the United States, which had its fair share of ups and downs over the years, the internet search engine company, Google Inc, has suffered few setbacks since it went into business in the late 1990s. (事例2的主题句) Google has succeeded by studying the failures of other companies as part of efforts to help it to help it innovate its technology and business model. Google identified and solved the problem of assessing the quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable. Suddenly, Google’s search results became far more accurate and reliable than those from other companies, and now Google’s dominance in the field of internet search is almost absolute. (论据--三句话)
 
The example of Rod Johnson’s success as an entrepreneur in the recruiting filed also shows how effective learning from mistakes and failures can be. (事例3的主题句) Rather than accept his failure after being laid off, Johnson decided to study it. After a month of research, Johnson realized that his failure to find a new job resulted primarily from the inefficiency of the local job placement agencies, not from his own deficiencies. A month later, Johnson created Johnson Staffing to correct this weakness in the job placement sector. Today Johnson Staffing is the largest job placement agency in South Carolina, and is in the process of expanding into a national corporation. (论据--四句话)
 
Failure is often seen as embarrassing, something to be denied and hidden. But as the examples of the U.S. Constitution, Google, and Rod Johnson prove, if an individual, organization, or even a nation is strong enough to face and study its failure, then that failure can become a powerful teacher. (总结全文中心论点,深一层阐述) The examples of history and business demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success, but only if people have the encourage to face it head on.
 
      大家可以看出文章中用词并没有超出高中生的词汇量,表达也不像大家认为的那样高不可及;但本文的结构、逻辑、举例都很到位。
      首先是文章紧扣所给题目,清晰而有层次的进行;要抓住中心并始终围绕这一主题。其次举例支持观点进行论证;举出实实在在的例子,不要空发议论。再次就是全文组织结构,无论是从全局看还是段与段之间句与句之间的衔接以及逻辑都很到位;可以模仿范文中的结构。 最后是语言方面,句子结构穿插变化,几乎没有出现语法错误,选词也算合理。高中阶段的词汇量足以,建议用自己有把握的词汇!
      希望这篇范文能给各位一些启示,至少在结构和举例方面还是可以借鉴的;主题段落要论据充分,切忌长篇大论。

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